Did Your Mom Teach You This?

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

Many of us remember our moms (or dads) telling us over and over again to do “_________,” Whether it was brushing your teeth, flossing, making your bed, wearing clean underwear – or whatever s/he nagged. How many of those lessons did you keep into adulthood?

In the book I was writing on parenting and child development (I’ve since shelved it because there are a lot of books on the market),” I write a chapter on organization and minimizing stress, especially in the morning. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that certain techniques taught to children may enable them to lead less stressful and more productive and purposeful lives.

IMG_5523
Backpacks by door

One technique, (the one I’m talking about), is preparation. As in – prepare for tomorrow tonight. Gather your schoolwork or presentation material, choose your clothing, etc., even change purses – the night before. True example: I planned to attend an event on Saturday, I needed to leave the house by 10am. The outfit I was wearing would be ruined if I carried my everyday purse (literally, ruined), so practicing this technique, I prepared the cute little silver purse that would complement the outfit – the night before.  I’ll tell you a secret: I lose time in the morning (it disappears – poof, an hour is gone!) and getting out of the house on time for me is difficult. This Saturday wasn’t any different. If I had not prepped my purse the night before, I’d have had to carry my big, black, leather, everyday purse and thus ruin the exceptionally cute outfit I was wearing!

So I ask you, did you learn this technique as a child and has it carried over to adulthood for you? Do you gather – the night before – whatever materials you need to take with you the next day? Or do you run around in the morning looking for things (like hats, keys, or golf balls).

I got one of those mom-feels-good moments when talking with my adult son the other night. He causally mentioned (when talking about something else) that he prepares all his stuff and has it waiting by the door so he can leave on time. I thought whoosh! score one for mom’s training.

This preparation technique is even helpful when making to-do lists. When I know what my priorities are for tomorrow, I find I wake up with a plan and tend to get more done. Besides, I love crossing things off my list! When I don’t prepare for what I want to get done – I find I get less done, spend more time figuring things out, I sit around aimlessly or I’m a little scattered.

So let me know- does this work for you? Did you learn this technique as a child? Have you taught it to your child? What other childhood techniques have you carried into adulthood?

I’m curious, and I’d like to know.

Warmly,

Lorraine Morgan Scott

Advertisements

Be Your Own Best Friend – Not Your Own Worst Critic

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

           I sang in public at an open mic last month. It wasn’t on a whim, I had planned to sing there, and had practiced diligently, albeit quietly, in my hotel room the whole week leading up to my Hollywood “debut.”

It had been years and years since I’d sang, and this was only my second open mic, ever. I was worried about forgetting the words to the song; I was tense and extremely nervous, too. “Just have fun,” my husband said, encouragingly. After waiting nearly three hours to perform, when I finally got up there – in front of a room of highly encouraging people – I was an emotional wreck.

The room was dimmed and the spotlight was on me. My opening note was flat, and so were many more after that. There wasn’t supposed to be a flat note in the whole song!

Throughout my performance I was beating myself up inside which probably didn’t help my singing. When I was done I was totally disappointed in myself – I know I can sing better than that, how did I suck so much?

I’d like to say I immediately shook it off, but not so. My internal critic had me going last night and first thing this morning. Eventually, my coaching instincts took over to pull me out of the quagmire. You remembered every word! Some notes came out well, and you finished in key. You had the guts to sing a Christina Aguilera song in a famous Hollywood lounge!

I thought about the performance. If it had been someone else, I would have been encouraging and supportive –why beat myself up? Why was my first thought I suck, I’ll never be good, I should just give up. Would I encourage a friend to do that? NO! I would tell my friend to find the good in what he or she had done, and to keep going, keep trying, especially if it was important to that person. I needed to be a friend to myself.

So was every note off? No, some had been sung in key. So did I suck? Well, yes, this time, but there had been some good things about the performance too. I did it (singing in public is a big fear of mine) and I remembered the words. With practice, well – with lots of practice, I’ll get better, I’ll calm my nerves, my technique will improve, and I’ll be able to spot correct.

So let me ask you . . .what are you beating yourself up about? What are you afraid to do because you’re not yet “perfect”? What are you doing right? Have you acknowledged that woo-hoo, you’re trying? How can you quit beating yourself before you “just quit”?

It is amazing to me, and hard to believe, how hard people (including myself) can be on themselves. That little voice in the head will tell us to quit, that we’re not good enough, and yes, that we suck. It is important, no critical, for our personal development to make it past those words of defeat and discouragement and adopt the cheerleader mentality.

Everyone clapped heartily last night after I’d finished – not because I was moving off the stage, but because most of them had been there, gone through that, and survived the learning curve to become “good.”

Lorraine Morgan Scott is author of “Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future)”, a certified coach, as well as a motivational speaker and singer. She specializes in helping women define their goals and reach their dreams. Contact her via email: Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com to comment or suggest a topic.

 

What Are You Waiting For?

STOP AND WAIT

What Are You Waiting For?
by Lorraine Morgan Scott

You wait in line at the bank. You wait in line at the store. You wait in a room designed just for waiting. You wait for school to end. You wait until you’re older, or thinner, or have more money. You may even be waiting for some type of religious event. Have you noticed, you wait for results on a great many things.

So how much time do you spend waiting?

A better question is what do you do with your time while waiting.

How could your time be better spent? You know, we all wait for something every day, so what are you waiting for? Do something constructive or something that moves your life forward! Here are a couple of examples:

  1. When in line you can meet new people (start up a conversation with a stranger – heck, you already have at least one known thing in common.)
  2. When in a waiting room, read a chapter or two of that book you’ve been meaning to read, or write an article (like this one.)
  3. When waiting on a promotion, enroll in self-development classes, learn a complimentary skill, read an educational book that will be an asset in the new position (or even now where you are.)
  4. When waiting on the results of something (like a doctor’s report, college entrance, job application, etc.,) further your knowledge of the potential illness or injury, look at the surrounding area and/or business opportunities, or research and apply your knowledge in a helpful and confidence-building manner.

We all have something we are waiting for or people we are waiting on, but it’s what we do with our selves, the inner growth we can be addressing, and our attitude toward patience that will define our character during the period of waiting.

Maybe the reason why we’re stuck waiting is so that we develop an area or learn to have patience.

I’d love to hear your comments, but I have to close now – they just called my name.

Contact Lorraine via her website http://PepTalkCoachingandPublishing.com

 

Is Frustration Part of Your Daily Diet?

“I’m working so hard but I can’t seem to lose the weight!” cried one woman. “I don’t know what’s wrong, why can’t I get ahead?” moaned another. Frustration was evident in their voices as goals were discussed, but when we drilled down deep into what their whole week’s actions looked like the dots started to connect into something they could see and understand.frustration

Are you doing just enough to get yourself frustrated?

Many times we make a goal and put actions in place to support achieving that goal. That part is great, but where some of us (me included) set our self up for frustration is when we don’t consider the whole goal: what is it, what does it look and feel like, what do we need to do to achieve it and how will we know when we’ve achieved it.

Each part of setting goals is important, yet the one that will keep us frustrated with our progress is the one part that defines what we need to do – what actions do we need to do on a 360 degree level to achieve our goal.

Say you want to become a millionaire in one year. What do you need to do to achieve it? Well, you need to earn $2,739.73 every day for 365 days. What actions will you take to earn that daily rate? How can you plan for short days?

Or, say you want to lose ten pounds. What dietary and lifestyle changes do you need to make? Are you exercising daily but the intensity level isn’t enough to affect change? Are you eating healthy throughout the day but then having ice cream while watching late night TV? A whole-person lifestyle plan will help keep you from getting frustrated with progress and address occasional highs, lows, and plateaus.

Whatever your goal, whether it’s losing weight, becoming a millionaire, or simply improving your typing speed or golf score – consider the whole goal approach: what’s the goal, what does success look like (visualize it), what would it feel like to achieve it (imagine the feeling of success), and what actions need to be taken on a daily basis to achieve the goal (backward planning is a great tool here).

Once you determine what exactly your goal is, and you’ve determined what actions will satisfy achieving that goal, then you have accurate information to decide if you still want to go after the goal, or reconsider it. Maybe earning $2,739.73 every day for 365 days is more than you want to attempt (you currently earn $50,000 a year). So maybe instead of becoming a millionaire in one year you go after a less-aggressive goal of becoming a millionaire in five years. The “whole goal” approach will help keep frustration out of your day so you can concentrate on being your wonderful self.

Warmly,
Lorraine

Lorraine Morgan Scott is author of “Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future)”, a certified coach, as well as a motivational speaker and singer. She specializes in helping women define their goals and reach their dreams. Contact her via email: Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com to comment or suggest a topic.

The Parallelism Between Life and a Game of Solitaire

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

How, you may wonder, can a game of cards have a semblance to “real” life? Well, the way I see it . . . in at least nine ways.

As many of you who know me know I play solitaire nearly every day in the morning. I think of the day ahead and the things I want to accomplish. Sometimes I come up with plot twisters to stories, lyrics to songs, and solutions to challenges I’m mulling over. Yes, all of this is done during one game of Addiction Solitaire (played with a deck of cards) and one game of traditional Solitaire.

And sometimes, I notice I relate the game to what’s happening in life. Seriously, I’ve found I can debate whether to move a 7 of hearts or a 7 of diamonds and wonder:

  • What are the ramifications?
  • What if I choose the wrong one?
  • How is this going to help me?

And that’s just when I’m presented with one opportunity for a red seven! What about when I have one space and three kings to choose from?

So here are nine parallelisms I find between life and the game:solitare

  1. Don’t rush – you may miss an opportunity for a life/game changer.
  2. If you make a mistake, learn from it and let it go.
  3. Sometimes you must make a choice. Make it, and don’t second-guess it.
  4. If you wait to play a card (a hand, an opportunity) you may lose your chance, and it may (or may not) come again.
  5. Multiple opportunities may present themselves, not all are right or wrong.
  6. Know when to quit (or throw in the cards).
  7. Perseverance is necessary; you may need to play (try) more than once to win (or succeed).
  8. Regret is a waste of energy, same with a self-defeating attitude. Don’t kick yourself for a bad choice, it might not be your last one – forgive yourself.
  9. Enjoy the game; enjoy what you’re doing or don’t play.

What do you think? Do you think the game of life resembles the game of Solitaire? Do you have any more parallelisms I missed? I’d love to have you share them here.

Here’s to your game of life – may it be richly rewarding and a ton of fun.

Warmly,

Lorraine Morgan Scott

You can write Lorraine at PepTalkCap dot com

 

What’s Inside?

You have a gift inside, or if you prefer a more real-world example – a specialty that you can do that no one else can do.

Are you sharing it with the world?

violinOften, people are nervous about sharing their gift because they don’t want to appear to be bragging, or prideful.

While some can certainly brag he or she is the greatest singer, writer, Frisbee player or whatever . . . most people are simply sharing their gift to help others.

I’d love to hear what you’re doing, so please share it with me

Friendly wishes,

Lorraine

Perceived Value – What is That?

targeted-value

Perceived Value
by Lorraine Morgan Scott

I read some of Cathy Alessandra’s book, “Yes I Can” and something she wrote caused me to sit back and say, “hmm.”

While Cathy shares personal nuggets of wisdom throughout the book the thing that struck me was what she wrote about “owning your worth.” Her point was that she’d been giving away free tickets to her business training events/expos to people that said they couldn’t afford the ticket price, and now, with her new way of thinking, she feels that if you couldn’t afford $147 for a full day of business training – you shouldn’t be in business.

I’m not saying Cathy was wrong (or right), by the way, merely that the statement stuck in my brain, and today, I realized why.

I’d been reading Jeffrey Gitomer’s “Little Red Book of Selling,” and it dawned on me why Cathy’s statement had struck me so. I paraphrase (heavily) from Jeffrey’s book: “people have objections to buying something when they aren’t sure of the value they’ll receive.”

That’s what got me. In my opinion, almost anyone is reluctant to spend money on training or even a free seminar (or anything) because they are unsure on how this “whatever it is” will help them.

The price is usually not the issue – it’s the “perceived value” that buyer has about the product or service.

Recently, I spent what I consider a significant amount of money on a training program to learn how to attract sponsors. The owner of the program, Linda Hollander, had done her job and convinced me that my return on investment (ROI) would be more than my investment, and that her program would do what she promised it will do. By showing me the benefits of the program, I felt my time, effort and money would be wisely spent.

Back to the $147 (or free) training, or talk, or app, or whatever. My thoughts are: Ensure whatever product or service you are providing or selling addresses the “perceived value” or getting people to buy (even a free event) will be difficult.

Perceived value affects everything! Movie-watching, book-reading, clothes, cars, and training.

Oh, and to make it more difficult – everyone’s perceived value is differentJ

What are your thoughts? Agree or disagree? Let’s talk.

Lorraine

Living Life to the Fullest

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

Have you ever felt confused about who you are or what you’re “supposed” to be doing with your life? womanonhill

I think my mother tried to figure it out, but I’m not certain she succeeded. She’d draw, but then move on to writing and compose a few poems. Then she’d move on to music and play at composing. Then she’d move on to a business but then close the doors without success. Nothing stuck.

Did she make any goals for her life? If so, were any left hanging unfulfilled before she died?

When I think about my life, I sometimes wonder if I’m living life to the fullest. Am I doing all I can to achieve my dreams or do I sit back and relax a little too much too often?

Is my time well spent or squandered?

Do I go to bed at night with an eagerness to meet tomorrow after relishing the fullness of the day of life I lived that day, or do I go to bed at the appointed time because it’s habit and I have nothing better to do?

Many people tell us what we “should” do. Many people tell us how we should live. But what is living life to the fullest and what should one use as a gauge? I’d love to hear your thoughts, you can email them to me at Lorraine@peptalkcoachingandpublishing.com

Warmly,

Lorraine

Three Tips to Treat Tiresome Thoughts

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

meloncholy.jpg
Do you feel a little down, uninspired or blue and you can’t figure out a reason why you feel that way? And when you’re feeling that way you have no gumption to pick yourself up and get moving, right? When I feel that way I get a little annoyed.

 

I have a zillion things to do! Not many things are worse than having a lot to do and no energy or inspiration to get it done – at least in my book. To make matters worse, if I give in to this feeling of nothingness and I get nothing done, then I am even more annoyed. SO what can a body do?

Here are three things you can try if you are so inclined:

1. Put on some upbeat music that makes you want to move. Positive music has been scientifically proven (and unscientifically too) to brighten your mood. dancing.jpgMusic speaks to your body and infuses it with a need to react. Dance around. Hop, shake your hips, and throw your arms in the air. Sure, you may look like Steve Martin on the dance floor – but who cares! You’re suddenly moving and feeling good, and your mood has brightened.

2. Go for a walk. Overcast skies can dampen your spirits when you’re inside, but when you get outside the cooler temperature invigorates briskness in your step and you feel a keen sense of healthiness when you are outdoors with nature. Walking on a treadmill is exercise, no ifs, ands, or buts about it – so it doesn’t (for me anyway) have the same uplifting benefit.

phoning.jpg3. Call a positive-minded person on the phone. Laughter is one of the best mood enhancers. When you connect with a person who is positive you are tapping into their vibe! Be a good connector though and suck up their energy and then recycle your mood to share good thoughts as well. Nobody wants to share his or her energy only to have drain away.

The last technique, although not a tip, is to plough through. While not feeling your spunky self, you may (as I often do) feel a great sense of achievement when you’ve completed the items on your “to-do” list. Maybe you’ll feel exhilarated after you’ve completed that last item – works for meJ

Tell me, how do you do what you aim to do when you’re feeling a little blue?

Warm regards,

Lorraine Morgan Scott