Your Words Have Power!

By Lorraine Morgan Scott

WordsHavePower
We live in an environment where everything we say can be used against us. I don’t understand why, but it seems most people are ready to be offended at the drop of a syllable. It used to be (at least in my thinking), that one would take the position that so-and-so meant the best and that whatever they said was meant for my good (even if they were grammatically and vocabulary inept). Today, it often seems just the opposite. It’s like some people have magnifying glasses out to look for the insult in your words.

Yes, words have power. More specifically, your words have power; and you don’t even need a whole sentence to insult someone – it can be accomplished in just three letters (maybe less). You can put them in their place, hurt their feelings, mentally scar their fragile minds, and even cause them to feel unworthy and un-liked.

Did you realize that those words you speak can affect you too? When you’re telling someone off, you might get a momentary inflation of self-importance or self-perceived respect; but you may also regret the words shortly thereafter, or even years after a confrontation (say, . . . when you’ve matured, accepted the Lord, or {and this is unfortunate} when the effect of your words cause someone to take drastic action (like suicide) or that person is unable to move past the situation. Sometimes, the effect of your words could cause retaliation or revenge.

Another way your words have power (besides retaliation by another person) is that you can internalize them. When you say, “Oh, I’m such an idiot,” or, “I’m so fat,” or, “I’m old, ugly, skinny . . . and so on,” you are speaking directly to your psyche. You become your own worst enemy. You begin to feel inferior, unloved, unworthy, and lots of other “uns.”

Don’t do that! Don’t be that!

You need to love yourself. You need to love the person you are – faults and all. We are all flawed, and we are all in-progress of becoming something more. None of us have it altogether! We all have something we’re working on within ourselves.

So use your word-power for good. Tell yourself you are smart, capable, learning, awesome, and every other positive adjective you can think of. And when you’re talking with someone else, truly earn their respect by building them up! Even when you need to criticize – make it positive and constructive -validate their efforts and maybe (if appropriate) make a suggestion that can provide further advancement.

Your words have power; choose to use them wisely.

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Loving Yourself First – It’s Essential

By Lorraine Morgan Scott

If you don’t love yourself – how can you truly love another person. This is the premise in which I wrote the book, “Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future). It’s as true today as it was the day it was published. 

My reasoning for this position is this:

If you love who your are – then jealousy won’t keep you from giving of yourself to family, friends, associates and even strangers. Giving praise, knowledge, assistance (and so on) takes self-confidence and a lack of worry that making someone else look or feel good won’t show you up; giving knowledge and assistance – when you love yourself and you’re confident – is a boost to yourself and makes you feel good.

If you love yourself – then someone else’s negativity toward you won’t be internalized. If someone you care about says or does something that hurts your feelings, you are able to shake it off as their opinion or their action. Whereas, if you aren’t on the “you” train – you may internalize the hurtful comment and replay it over and over in your mind. This is damaging to your relationship as well as your self-worth. If you love yourself, you are able to consider the comment, see if there is a take-away, and move on.

If you love yourself – you know you’re not perfect, but you’re doing the very best you can in each situation. And when you love yourself, you know that you make mistakes. You learn from your mistake, and let it go – making an effort not to make the same mistake again. When you love yourself, you don’t carry around guilt, regret, and negativity. You love yourself enough to strive to be the best you, period.

If you love yourself, you can fully support the care and development of others. There’s no hidden agenda, you truly want the best for them and you want to do what you can to help them. What an awesome feeling!

Think how much better our world could be without hate and greed. Hate, in my opinion, stems from an inability to accept another person’s beliefs and opinions when they differ from ours. It’s a person’s lack of self-confidence in themselves and a lack of self-worth. If you feel self-worth, you KNOW others may have differing opinions – and that’s OK, they’re entitled to their own opinion, and you respect that.

Greed, in my opinion, stems from the desire to feel that they are better than someone, that they have more, are more important. Greedy people don’t value others, because deep down – they suffer from a lack of self-worth. If you have self-worth, than you don’t need to have the title, the biggest house, the most money — at the expense of others. Greed is at the expense of others – when you’re breaking laws, hurting people (like knowingly squandering their investments or savings), knowingly causing harm to the environment (by pouring toxins in rivers and poison, etc.) of finding loop holes in laws to have workers in unsafe conditions to make a few extra dollars – to me, that’s greed.

When you love yourself – you consciously want to make other people’s lives better. You want to open the communication in your relationship to break down barriers. You treat people and animals with care and respect. You follow the law, and when in disagreement go through the channels to review or amend them.

When you love yourself – you don’t hit, or steal, or kill.

How would our world be different if everyone loved the person they are – right now, even knowing that there are areas they want to improve upon (we all have them)? I would sure like to find out.

How about you? Your thoughts?

Distracted = Destiny Deferred

By Lorraine Morgan Scott

Are you letting all of life’s distractions keep you from achieving your dreams and destiny?
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Do you believe you have a purpose for your life? Do you know what your destiny is? If not, look deep down inside of you to that dream that keeps bugging and nudging you since you were a kid. What is hidden deep down there?
For me it is singing and creating music. Since I was a little girl I wanted to sing, but I allowed that dream to get damped down so low the flame barely glows. I obeyed when I was told to be quiet, I listened when I was told I’d never make it – so don’t even try. And worst of all, I let life and all it’s business keep me from pursuing my deepest dream and what I believe is my destiny. Sad.
I realized this the other day. I had a list of things to do and creating music was not on it, yet, creating music is what my heart yearns to do. I had housework, two items for an organization I volunteer for, two business actions, and an action for a book I’d just finished writing. I have other actions waiting in the wings of my mind, and I tell myself that I’ll create music “when I have time”. That was an eye-opener! It was then that I realized I need to make my destiny and my dream a priority and fit these other “things” in as time allows.
What about you? Do you let all the other things (work, volunteer activities, housework, etc) take priority over your destiny- over that big dream you’ve been carrying around for eons?
If you don’t have your priorities right (or aligned) you will always be busy with other tasks. Find the balance. Sure earning a living and taking care of your family is a priority- but so are you! Even if you start out with spending 15 minutes a day working toward your goal, you’ll be so much closer to your goal, dream and destiny than if you waited until you have a large block of time. Time doesn’t magically appear . . . but the to-do list will magically keep being populated. So, to get some forward movement and momentum- put working toward your goal/dream/destiny at the top of your list priority one (or A).
If you spend even just a few minutes daily you will feel such a sense of accomplishment as you finish a project or a milestone. And soon, you’ll look back and say, well-done.
Good luck. Call me if you need help.

Learning to “Let Go”

By Lorraine Morgan Scott

When you think of letting go, what comes to mind? Probably, we have different visions and versions of “letting go” and that’s ok, because what I’m talking about applies to your version and mine. Simple right?

Maybe you are holding on to a wrong that was done to you when you were a child. Maybe you have anger for an insult last week. Maybe you won’t allow your teenage daughter to go to a dance or go on a date. Maybe you worry about whether you’ll be promoted at work or accepted for a school scholarship. Maybe you worry if you’re thin enough or pretty enough or good enough to attract that man you’re interested in. Maybe you worry if your business will fail or your wife will leave you. Maybe you just want to be free of the pain your old bones are causing you.

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Each of these worries and concerns are normal everyday thoughts. Each of these hopes and fears are valid to you and based on some prior experience. What I’m suggesting is “letting go” of the fears and the worries. How would your life be different if you didn’t worry so much about life and love and just started living life and being in love? How would your relationships be if you didn’t hold a child back from growth and development or a spouse back from their ambitions? What if you let go of the anger and resentment? If the idea I’m presenting sounds scary or you feel a weird bubbling feeling inside – maybe you’re holding on to things too tightly.

  • Have you ever realized that when you’re angry – you suffer more than the one you’re angry with?
  • Has that resentment you’re holding on to from twenty-seven years ago done anything of value for you? Or is it just a weight on your shoulder that pounds your head every time you think about that person or what they did to you.
  • When you tell your child (for their own good) that he or she can’t do something, (you feel justified because you’re protecting them) do you notice the flicker of pain and then something else (like resentment, determination, or anger) in their eyes?
  • Do you wake up at night stressed about school, work, or whether you’ll be successful tomorrow?

If you answer yes to any of these questions (or something similar), then maybe it’s time to let go. Your worry and stress does nothing for you, but maybe give you an ulcer. Learn to let go. Carrying anger and resentment is horrible for your mind and body. Do yourself a favor and forgive the person. You’ll feel tons lighter and better, and you can put that energy to something that actually benefits you. Instead of worrying about a presentation or promotion, acknowledge you’ve done your best to prepare, and then be your best self until your rewards are received. As you allow your child to grow into an adult, recognize that they’ll probably make mistakes, but it’s during the errors and challenges that we/they grow the most. You can’t keep your teen a tween or child forever; they’ll grow and mature. You want that, you do. Set them up for success by teaching them what they should know. Then, when they are faced with decisions, they’ll have the tools and confidence to make wise decisions.

Let go and meditate. Let go and do yoga. Let go and trust yourself. Let go and be part of the world around you. You can do it.

Let go of the worry, fear, anger, jealousy, insecurity, stress, or whatever you’re holding on to – and start enjoying the wonderful life you have. I’m here to talk with you if you need help learning to let go.

Hugs,

Lorraine

Photo Credit: Sachi Lane, 2017

 

 

Creating Your Reality

By Lorraine Morgan Scott

      “I have to see it with my own eyes!” How many times have you heard that? Or, have you ever said, “I have to see it to believe it,” or something to that nature? Whether far-fetched or simply a normal occurrence, often, we determine the validity of something only when we see it.

IMG_0737      I’ve learned over the years, as I’ve coached clients, that many people don’t guard their ears as closely as their eyes. Sure, they guard against hearing a compliment, and they guard against hearing praise, and they even downplay either with a self-depreciating comment. Yet, when someone has something negative to say – both ears are wide open and receiving. When you hear, “You’re ugly, you’re fat, you look old, you’re dumb, you’re a retard,” you take it as fact and you take it to heart.
If you hear those labels over and over again, soon, you are identifying with them and repeating them. “I look so fat, I look so old, I look ugly, I’ll never lose weight, I’ll never get that job, I’ll never amount to anything.” This becomes your reality because you’ve internalized those limiting beliefs. Breaking away from them is difficult – even for people who are usually positive.
This even happened to me recently. I’d put on an outfit expecting it to look good, but instead, parts of my body appeared to be “highlighted” and they weren’t parts I wanted a spotlight on. I looked in the mirror and immediately felt bad about my body’s appearance, but then I did something I’d like you to try. I looked myself in the eye and said, “there may be some things I don’t like about my body – but there are more things right than wrong.” I instantly felt better.
It does me no good to be down on myself, especially when it isn’t something I can immediately change. Sure, I could change my outfit (I didn’t), or I can just be okay who the way I look and choose to make changes – if I want.
But if I heard (from myself or others) “I’m a fatty, I’m fat, I’m so big no one would love, etc.” and I didn’t guard my ears or my mind – that idea or visual could become my reality. It would be so easy to accept it (whatever it is.)
Choose to make your reality one that supports and promotes you. Choose to think or feel things that build you up and make you feel good about yourself, instead of the alternative. Strip away the labels people may try to affix to you and sure, find any constructive criticism or positive growth opportunity in a comment, and then move on from there. We all have things to learn, and improve and even fail at – but those things should be done in a healthy and positive manner. That is how to shape your reality.
Lorraine Morgan Scott can be reached via email Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com or on Facebook Pep Talk Coaching and Publishing. She is a certified personal development coach, author (Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future), and singer. She’s reaching for her dreams and helping others do the same.

 

 

 

 

 

Use The Tips That Work For You

Are you a solopreneur? (That’s an entrepreneur who is the solo hat-wearer in the company). I am. It can be challenging at times to cover every base and address every area.

That’s why, when I find handy tips – I share them with other people who may be sporting the same designer, large hat that I’m wearing.

color-linkedin-48  So for using Linked In and other platforms as well, Linked In has provided a super-duper helpful slide deck. You can find it here:

15 Compelling Updates

What tools have you found that you’d like to share? I’d love to know.

Best, Lorraine

Did Your Mom Teach You This?

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

Many of us remember our moms (or dads) telling us over and over again to do “_________,” Whether it was brushing your teeth, flossing, making your bed, wearing clean underwear – or whatever s/he nagged. How many of those lessons did you keep into adulthood?

In the book I was writing on parenting and child development (I’ve since shelved it because there are a lot of books on the market),” I write a chapter on organization and minimizing stress, especially in the morning. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that certain techniques taught to children may enable them to lead less stressful and more productive and purposeful lives.

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Backpacks by door

One technique, (the one I’m talking about), is preparation. As in – prepare for tomorrow tonight. Gather your schoolwork or presentation material, choose your clothing, etc., even change purses – the night before. True example: I planned to attend an event on Saturday, I needed to leave the house by 10am. The outfit I was wearing would be ruined if I carried my everyday purse (literally, ruined), so practicing this technique, I prepared the cute little silver purse that would complement the outfit – the night before.  I’ll tell you a secret: I lose time in the morning (it disappears – poof, an hour is gone!) and getting out of the house on time for me is difficult. This Saturday wasn’t any different. If I had not prepped my purse the night before, I’d have had to carry my big, black, leather, everyday purse and thus ruin the exceptionally cute outfit I was wearing!

So I ask you, did you learn this technique as a child and has it carried over to adulthood for you? Do you gather – the night before – whatever materials you need to take with you the next day? Or do you run around in the morning looking for things (like hats, keys, or golf balls).

I got one of those mom-feels-good moments when talking with my adult son the other night. He causally mentioned (when talking about something else) that he prepares all his stuff and has it waiting by the door so he can leave on time. I thought whoosh! score one for mom’s training.

This preparation technique is even helpful when making to-do lists. When I know what my priorities are for tomorrow, I find I wake up with a plan and tend to get more done. Besides, I love crossing things off my list! When I don’t prepare for what I want to get done – I find I get less done, spend more time figuring things out, I sit around aimlessly or I’m a little scattered.

So let me know- does this work for you? Did you learn this technique as a child? Have you taught it to your child? What other childhood techniques have you carried into adulthood?

I’m curious, and I’d like to know.

Warmly,

Lorraine Morgan Scott

Be Your Own Best Friend – Not Your Own Worst Critic

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

           I sang in public at an open mic last month. It wasn’t on a whim, I had planned to sing there, and had practiced diligently, albeit quietly, in my hotel room the whole week leading up to my Hollywood “debut.”

It had been years and years since I’d sang, and this was only my second open mic, ever. I was worried about forgetting the words to the song; I was tense and extremely nervous, too. “Just have fun,” my husband said, encouragingly. After waiting nearly three hours to perform, when I finally got up there – in front of a room of highly encouraging people – I was an emotional wreck.

The room was dimmed and the spotlight was on me. My opening note was flat, and so were many more after that. There wasn’t supposed to be a flat note in the whole song!

Throughout my performance I was beating myself up inside which probably didn’t help my singing. When I was done I was totally disappointed in myself – I know I can sing better than that, how did I suck so much?

I’d like to say I immediately shook it off, but not so. My internal critic had me going last night and first thing this morning. Eventually, my coaching instincts took over to pull me out of the quagmire. You remembered every word! Some notes came out well, and you finished in key. You had the guts to sing a Christina Aguilera song in a famous Hollywood lounge!

I thought about the performance. If it had been someone else, I would have been encouraging and supportive –why beat myself up? Why was my first thought I suck, I’ll never be good, I should just give up. Would I encourage a friend to do that? NO! I would tell my friend to find the good in what he or she had done, and to keep going, keep trying, especially if it was important to that person. I needed to be a friend to myself.

So was every note off? No, some had been sung in key. So did I suck? Well, yes, this time, but there had been some good things about the performance too. I did it (singing in public is a big fear of mine) and I remembered the words. With practice, well – with lots of practice, I’ll get better, I’ll calm my nerves, my technique will improve, and I’ll be able to spot correct.

So let me ask you . . .what are you beating yourself up about? What are you afraid to do because you’re not yet “perfect”? What are you doing right? Have you acknowledged that woo-hoo, you’re trying? How can you quit beating yourself before you “just quit”?

It is amazing to me, and hard to believe, how hard people (including myself) can be on themselves. That little voice in the head will tell us to quit, that we’re not good enough, and yes, that we suck. It is important, no critical, for our personal development to make it past those words of defeat and discouragement and adopt the cheerleader mentality.

Everyone clapped heartily last night after I’d finished – not because I was moving off the stage, but because most of them had been there, gone through that, and survived the learning curve to become “good.”

Lorraine Morgan Scott is author of “Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future)”, a certified coach, as well as a motivational speaker and singer. She specializes in helping women define their goals and reach their dreams. Contact her via email: Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com to comment or suggest a topic.

 

What Are You Waiting For?

STOP AND WAIT

What Are You Waiting For?
by Lorraine Morgan Scott

You wait in line at the bank. You wait in line at the store. You wait in a room designed just for waiting. You wait for school to end. You wait until you’re older, or thinner, or have more money. You may even be waiting for some type of religious event. Have you noticed, you wait for results on a great many things.

So how much time do you spend waiting?

A better question is what do you do with your time while waiting.

How could your time be better spent? You know, we all wait for something every day, so what are you waiting for? Do something constructive or something that moves your life forward! Here are a couple of examples:

  1. When in line you can meet new people (start up a conversation with a stranger – heck, you already have at least one known thing in common.)
  2. When in a waiting room, read a chapter or two of that book you’ve been meaning to read, or write an article (like this one.)
  3. When waiting on a promotion, enroll in self-development classes, learn a complimentary skill, read an educational book that will be an asset in the new position (or even now where you are.)
  4. When waiting on the results of something (like a doctor’s report, college entrance, job application, etc.,) further your knowledge of the potential illness or injury, look at the surrounding area and/or business opportunities, or research and apply your knowledge in a helpful and confidence-building manner.

We all have something we are waiting for or people we are waiting on, but it’s what we do with our selves, the inner growth we can be addressing, and our attitude toward patience that will define our character during the period of waiting.

Maybe the reason why we’re stuck waiting is so that we develop an area or learn to have patience.

I’d love to hear your comments, but I have to close now – they just called my name.

Contact Lorraine via her website http://PepTalkCoachingandPublishing.com