By Lorraine Morgan Scott
“I have to see it with my own eyes!” How many times have you heard that? Or, have you ever said, “I have to see it to believe it,” or something to that nature? Whether far-fetched or simply a normal occurrence, often, we determine the validity of something only when we see it.
I’ve learned over the years, as I’ve coached clients, that many people don’t guard their ears as closely as their eyes. Sure, they guard against hearing a compliment, and they guard against hearing praise, and they even downplay either with a self-depreciating comment. Yet, when someone has something negative to say – both ears are wide open and receiving. When you hear, “You’re ugly, you’re fat, you look old, you’re dumb, you’re a retard,” you take it as fact and you take it to heart.
If you hear those labels over and over again, soon, you are identifying with them and repeating them. “I look so fat, I look so old, I look ugly, I’ll never lose weight, I’ll never get that job, I’ll never amount to anything.” This becomes your reality because you’ve internalized those limiting beliefs. Breaking away from them is difficult – even for people who are usually positive.
This even happened to me recently. I’d put on an outfit expecting it to look good, but instead, parts of my body appeared to be “highlighted” and they weren’t parts I wanted a spotlight on. I looked in the mirror and immediately felt bad about my body’s appearance, but then I did something I’d like you to try. I looked myself in the eye and said, “there may be some things I don’t like about my body – but there are more things right than wrong.” I instantly felt better.
It does me no good to be down on myself, especially when it isn’t something I can immediately change. Sure, I could change my outfit (I didn’t), or I can just be okay who the way I look and choose to make changes – if I want.
But if I heard (from myself or others) “I’m a fatty, I’m fat, I’m so big no one would love, etc.” and I didn’t guard my ears or my mind – that idea or visual could become my reality. It would be so easy to accept it (whatever it is.)
Choose to make your reality one that supports and promotes you. Choose to think or feel things that build you up and make you feel good about yourself, instead of the alternative. Strip away the labels people may try to affix to you and sure, find any constructive criticism or positive growth opportunity in a comment, and then move on from there. We all have things to learn, and improve and even fail at – but those things should be done in a healthy and positive manner. That is how to shape your reality.
Lorraine Morgan Scott can be reached via email Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com or on Facebook Pep Talk Coaching and Publishing. She is a certified personal development coach, author (Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future), and singer. She’s reaching for her dreams and helping others do the same.