Learning to “Let Go”

By Lorraine Morgan Scott

When you think of letting go, what comes to mind? Probably, we have different visions and versions of “letting go” and that’s ok, because what I’m talking about applies to your version and mine. Simple right?

Maybe you are holding on to a wrong that was done to you when you were a child. Maybe you have anger for an insult last week. Maybe you won’t allow your teenage daughter to go to a dance or go on a date. Maybe you worry about whether you’ll be promoted at work or accepted for a school scholarship. Maybe you worry if you’re thin enough or pretty enough or good enough to attract that man you’re interested in. Maybe you worry if your business will fail or your wife will leave you. Maybe you just want to be free of the pain your old bones are causing you.

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Each of these worries and concerns are normal everyday thoughts. Each of these hopes and fears are valid to you and based on some prior experience. What I’m suggesting is “letting go” of the fears and the worries. How would your life be different if you didn’t worry so much about life and love and just started living life and being in love? How would your relationships be if you didn’t hold a child back from growth and development or a spouse back from their ambitions? What if you let go of the anger and resentment? If the idea I’m presenting sounds scary or you feel a weird bubbling feeling inside – maybe you’re holding on to things too tightly.

  • Have you ever realized that when you’re angry – you suffer more than the one you’re angry with?
  • Has that resentment you’re holding on to from twenty-seven years ago done anything of value for you? Or is it just a weight on your shoulder that pounds your head every time you think about that person or what they did to you.
  • When you tell your child (for their own good) that he or she can’t do something, (you feel justified because you’re protecting them) do you notice the flicker of pain and then something else (like resentment, determination, or anger) in their eyes?
  • Do you wake up at night stressed about school, work, or whether you’ll be successful tomorrow?

If you answer yes to any of these questions (or something similar), then maybe it’s time to let go. Your worry and stress does nothing for you, but maybe give you an ulcer. Learn to let go. Carrying anger and resentment is horrible for your mind and body. Do yourself a favor and forgive the person. You’ll feel tons lighter and better, and you can put that energy to something that actually benefits you. Instead of worrying about a presentation or promotion, acknowledge you’ve done your best to prepare, and then be your best self until your rewards are received. As you allow your child to grow into an adult, recognize that they’ll probably make mistakes, but it’s during the errors and challenges that we/they grow the most. You can’t keep your teen a tween or child forever; they’ll grow and mature. You want that, you do. Set them up for success by teaching them what they should know. Then, when they are faced with decisions, they’ll have the tools and confidence to make wise decisions.

Let go and meditate. Let go and do yoga. Let go and trust yourself. Let go and be part of the world around you. You can do it.

Let go of the worry, fear, anger, jealousy, insecurity, stress, or whatever you’re holding on to – and start enjoying the wonderful life you have. I’m here to talk with you if you need help learning to let go.

Hugs,

Lorraine

Photo Credit: Sachi Lane, 2017

 

 

Creating Your Reality

By Lorraine Morgan Scott

      “I have to see it with my own eyes!” How many times have you heard that? Or, have you ever said, “I have to see it to believe it,” or something to that nature? Whether far-fetched or simply a normal occurrence, often, we determine the validity of something only when we see it.

IMG_0737      I’ve learned over the years, as I’ve coached clients, that many people don’t guard their ears as closely as their eyes. Sure, they guard against hearing a compliment, and they guard against hearing praise, and they even downplay either with a self-depreciating comment. Yet, when someone has something negative to say – both ears are wide open and receiving. When you hear, “You’re ugly, you’re fat, you look old, you’re dumb, you’re a retard,” you take it as fact and you take it to heart.
If you hear those labels over and over again, soon, you are identifying with them and repeating them. “I look so fat, I look so old, I look ugly, I’ll never lose weight, I’ll never get that job, I’ll never amount to anything.” This becomes your reality because you’ve internalized those limiting beliefs. Breaking away from them is difficult – even for people who are usually positive.
This even happened to me recently. I’d put on an outfit expecting it to look good, but instead, parts of my body appeared to be “highlighted” and they weren’t parts I wanted a spotlight on. I looked in the mirror and immediately felt bad about my body’s appearance, but then I did something I’d like you to try. I looked myself in the eye and said, “there may be some things I don’t like about my body – but there are more things right than wrong.” I instantly felt better.
It does me no good to be down on myself, especially when it isn’t something I can immediately change. Sure, I could change my outfit (I didn’t), or I can just be okay who the way I look and choose to make changes – if I want.
But if I heard (from myself or others) “I’m a fatty, I’m fat, I’m so big no one would love, etc.” and I didn’t guard my ears or my mind – that idea or visual could become my reality. It would be so easy to accept it (whatever it is.)
Choose to make your reality one that supports and promotes you. Choose to think or feel things that build you up and make you feel good about yourself, instead of the alternative. Strip away the labels people may try to affix to you and sure, find any constructive criticism or positive growth opportunity in a comment, and then move on from there. We all have things to learn, and improve and even fail at – but those things should be done in a healthy and positive manner. That is how to shape your reality.
Lorraine Morgan Scott can be reached via email Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com or on Facebook Pep Talk Coaching and Publishing. She is a certified personal development coach, author (Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future), and singer. She’s reaching for her dreams and helping others do the same.

 

 

 

 

 

Use The Tips That Work For You

Are you a solopreneur? (That’s an entrepreneur who is the solo hat-wearer in the company). I am. It can be challenging at times to cover every base and address every area.

That’s why, when I find handy tips – I share them with other people who may be sporting the same designer, large hat that I’m wearing.

color-linkedin-48  So for using Linked In and other platforms as well, Linked In has provided a super-duper helpful slide deck. You can find it here:

15 Compelling Updates

What tools have you found that you’d like to share? I’d love to know.

Best, Lorraine

Did Your Mom Teach You This?

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

Many of us remember our moms (or dads) telling us over and over again to do “_________,” Whether it was brushing your teeth, flossing, making your bed, wearing clean underwear – or whatever s/he nagged. How many of those lessons did you keep into adulthood?

In the book I was writing on parenting and child development (I’ve since shelved it because there are a lot of books on the market),” I write a chapter on organization and minimizing stress, especially in the morning. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that certain techniques taught to children may enable them to lead less stressful and more productive and purposeful lives.

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Backpacks by door

One technique, (the one I’m talking about), is preparation. As in – prepare for tomorrow tonight. Gather your schoolwork or presentation material, choose your clothing, etc., even change purses – the night before. True example: I planned to attend an event on Saturday, I needed to leave the house by 10am. The outfit I was wearing would be ruined if I carried my everyday purse (literally, ruined), so practicing this technique, I prepared the cute little silver purse that would complement the outfit – the night before.  I’ll tell you a secret: I lose time in the morning (it disappears – poof, an hour is gone!) and getting out of the house on time for me is difficult. This Saturday wasn’t any different. If I had not prepped my purse the night before, I’d have had to carry my big, black, leather, everyday purse and thus ruin the exceptionally cute outfit I was wearing!

So I ask you, did you learn this technique as a child and has it carried over to adulthood for you? Do you gather – the night before – whatever materials you need to take with you the next day? Or do you run around in the morning looking for things (like hats, keys, or golf balls).

I got one of those mom-feels-good moments when talking with my adult son the other night. He causally mentioned (when talking about something else) that he prepares all his stuff and has it waiting by the door so he can leave on time. I thought whoosh! score one for mom’s training.

This preparation technique is even helpful when making to-do lists. When I know what my priorities are for tomorrow, I find I wake up with a plan and tend to get more done. Besides, I love crossing things off my list! When I don’t prepare for what I want to get done – I find I get less done, spend more time figuring things out, I sit around aimlessly or I’m a little scattered.

So let me know- does this work for you? Did you learn this technique as a child? Have you taught it to your child? What other childhood techniques have you carried into adulthood?

I’m curious, and I’d like to know.

Warmly,

Lorraine Morgan Scott

Be Your Own Best Friend – Not Your Own Worst Critic

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

           I sang in public at an open mic last month. It wasn’t on a whim, I had planned to sing there, and had practiced diligently, albeit quietly, in my hotel room the whole week leading up to my Hollywood “debut.”

It had been years and years since I’d sang, and this was only my second open mic, ever. I was worried about forgetting the words to the song; I was tense and extremely nervous, too. “Just have fun,” my husband said, encouragingly. After waiting nearly three hours to perform, when I finally got up there – in front of a room of highly encouraging people – I was an emotional wreck.

The room was dimmed and the spotlight was on me. My opening note was flat, and so were many more after that. There wasn’t supposed to be a flat note in the whole song!

Throughout my performance I was beating myself up inside which probably didn’t help my singing. When I was done I was totally disappointed in myself – I know I can sing better than that, how did I suck so much?

I’d like to say I immediately shook it off, but not so. My internal critic had me going last night and first thing this morning. Eventually, my coaching instincts took over to pull me out of the quagmire. You remembered every word! Some notes came out well, and you finished in key. You had the guts to sing a Christina Aguilera song in a famous Hollywood lounge!

I thought about the performance. If it had been someone else, I would have been encouraging and supportive –why beat myself up? Why was my first thought I suck, I’ll never be good, I should just give up. Would I encourage a friend to do that? NO! I would tell my friend to find the good in what he or she had done, and to keep going, keep trying, especially if it was important to that person. I needed to be a friend to myself.

So was every note off? No, some had been sung in key. So did I suck? Well, yes, this time, but there had been some good things about the performance too. I did it (singing in public is a big fear of mine) and I remembered the words. With practice, well – with lots of practice, I’ll get better, I’ll calm my nerves, my technique will improve, and I’ll be able to spot correct.

So let me ask you . . .what are you beating yourself up about? What are you afraid to do because you’re not yet “perfect”? What are you doing right? Have you acknowledged that woo-hoo, you’re trying? How can you quit beating yourself before you “just quit”?

It is amazing to me, and hard to believe, how hard people (including myself) can be on themselves. That little voice in the head will tell us to quit, that we’re not good enough, and yes, that we suck. It is important, no critical, for our personal development to make it past those words of defeat and discouragement and adopt the cheerleader mentality.

Everyone clapped heartily last night after I’d finished – not because I was moving off the stage, but because most of them had been there, gone through that, and survived the learning curve to become “good.”

Lorraine Morgan Scott is author of “Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future)”, a certified coach, as well as a motivational speaker and singer. She specializes in helping women define their goals and reach their dreams. Contact her via email: Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com to comment or suggest a topic.

 

What Are You Waiting For?

STOP AND WAIT

What Are You Waiting For?
by Lorraine Morgan Scott

You wait in line at the bank. You wait in line at the store. You wait in a room designed just for waiting. You wait for school to end. You wait until you’re older, or thinner, or have more money. You may even be waiting for some type of religious event. Have you noticed, you wait for results on a great many things.

So how much time do you spend waiting?

A better question is what do you do with your time while waiting.

How could your time be better spent? You know, we all wait for something every day, so what are you waiting for? Do something constructive or something that moves your life forward! Here are a couple of examples:

  1. When in line you can meet new people (start up a conversation with a stranger – heck, you already have at least one known thing in common.)
  2. When in a waiting room, read a chapter or two of that book you’ve been meaning to read, or write an article (like this one.)
  3. When waiting on a promotion, enroll in self-development classes, learn a complimentary skill, read an educational book that will be an asset in the new position (or even now where you are.)
  4. When waiting on the results of something (like a doctor’s report, college entrance, job application, etc.,) further your knowledge of the potential illness or injury, look at the surrounding area and/or business opportunities, or research and apply your knowledge in a helpful and confidence-building manner.

We all have something we are waiting for or people we are waiting on, but it’s what we do with our selves, the inner growth we can be addressing, and our attitude toward patience that will define our character during the period of waiting.

Maybe the reason why we’re stuck waiting is so that we develop an area or learn to have patience.

I’d love to hear your comments, but I have to close now – they just called my name.

Contact Lorraine via her website http://PepTalkCoachingandPublishing.com

 

Is Frustration Part of Your Daily Diet?

“I’m working so hard but I can’t seem to lose the weight!” cried one woman. “I don’t know what’s wrong, why can’t I get ahead?” moaned another. Frustration was evident in their voices as goals were discussed, but when we drilled down deep into what their whole week’s actions looked like the dots started to connect into something they could see and understand.frustration

Are you doing just enough to get yourself frustrated?

Many times we make a goal and put actions in place to support achieving that goal. That part is great, but where some of us (me included) set our self up for frustration is when we don’t consider the whole goal: what is it, what does it look and feel like, what do we need to do to achieve it and how will we know when we’ve achieved it.

Each part of setting goals is important, yet the one that will keep us frustrated with our progress is the one part that defines what we need to do – what actions do we need to do on a 360 degree level to achieve our goal.

Say you want to become a millionaire in one year. What do you need to do to achieve it? Well, you need to earn $2,739.73 every day for 365 days. What actions will you take to earn that daily rate? How can you plan for short days?

Or, say you want to lose ten pounds. What dietary and lifestyle changes do you need to make? Are you exercising daily but the intensity level isn’t enough to affect change? Are you eating healthy throughout the day but then having ice cream while watching late night TV? A whole-person lifestyle plan will help keep you from getting frustrated with progress and address occasional highs, lows, and plateaus.

Whatever your goal, whether it’s losing weight, becoming a millionaire, or simply improving your typing speed or golf score – consider the whole goal approach: what’s the goal, what does success look like (visualize it), what would it feel like to achieve it (imagine the feeling of success), and what actions need to be taken on a daily basis to achieve the goal (backward planning is a great tool here).

Once you determine what exactly your goal is, and you’ve determined what actions will satisfy achieving that goal, then you have accurate information to decide if you still want to go after the goal, or reconsider it. Maybe earning $2,739.73 every day for 365 days is more than you want to attempt (you currently earn $50,000 a year). So maybe instead of becoming a millionaire in one year you go after a less-aggressive goal of becoming a millionaire in five years. The “whole goal” approach will help keep frustration out of your day so you can concentrate on being your wonderful self.

Warmly,
Lorraine

Lorraine Morgan Scott is author of “Loving Myself First: Overcoming Life’s Obstacles (Past, Present and Future)”, a certified coach, as well as a motivational speaker and singer. She specializes in helping women define their goals and reach their dreams. Contact her via email: Lorraine@PepTalkCap.com to comment or suggest a topic.

The Parallelism Between Life and a Game of Solitaire

by Lorraine Morgan Scott

How, you may wonder, can a game of cards have a semblance to “real” life? Well, the way I see it . . . in at least nine ways.

As many of you who know me know I play solitaire nearly every day in the morning. I think of the day ahead and the things I want to accomplish. Sometimes I come up with plot twisters to stories, lyrics to songs, and solutions to challenges I’m mulling over. Yes, all of this is done during one game of Addiction Solitaire (played with a deck of cards) and one game of traditional Solitaire.

And sometimes, I notice I relate the game to what’s happening in life. Seriously, I’ve found I can debate whether to move a 7 of hearts or a 7 of diamonds and wonder:

  • What are the ramifications?
  • What if I choose the wrong one?
  • How is this going to help me?

And that’s just when I’m presented with one opportunity for a red seven! What about when I have one space and three kings to choose from?

So here are nine parallelisms I find between life and the game:solitare

  1. Don’t rush – you may miss an opportunity for a life/game changer.
  2. If you make a mistake, learn from it and let it go.
  3. Sometimes you must make a choice. Make it, and don’t second-guess it.
  4. If you wait to play a card (a hand, an opportunity) you may lose your chance, and it may (or may not) come again.
  5. Multiple opportunities may present themselves, not all are right or wrong.
  6. Know when to quit (or throw in the cards).
  7. Perseverance is necessary; you may need to play (try) more than once to win (or succeed).
  8. Regret is a waste of energy, same with a self-defeating attitude. Don’t kick yourself for a bad choice, it might not be your last one – forgive yourself.
  9. Enjoy the game; enjoy what you’re doing or don’t play.

What do you think? Do you think the game of life resembles the game of Solitaire? Do you have any more parallelisms I missed? I’d love to have you share them here.

Here’s to your game of life – may it be richly rewarding and a ton of fun.

Warmly,

Lorraine Morgan Scott

You can write Lorraine at PepTalkCap dot com

 

What’s Inside?

You have a gift inside, or if you prefer a more real-world example – a specialty that you can do that no one else can do.

Are you sharing it with the world?

violinOften, people are nervous about sharing their gift because they don’t want to appear to be bragging, or prideful.

While some can certainly brag he or she is the greatest singer, writer, Frisbee player or whatever . . . most people are simply sharing their gift to help others.

I’d love to hear what you’re doing, so please share it with me

Friendly wishes,

Lorraine